i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
