Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
