so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Fuck appropriateness.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
