It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
