You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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