So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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