I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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