Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
