I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if only i could text you this smell
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
