So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
