found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
