Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
