Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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