I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
