I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
