Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
