Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
