Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
