Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
