just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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