my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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