If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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