She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
