I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think my vagina is haunted
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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