so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
