so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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