smell my finger.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
