We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got chris browned last night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
