ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
