I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
