Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
