would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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