I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
