I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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