My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
