Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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