another moral hangover. fuck.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
