You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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