Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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