2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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