I heard we made out
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
