I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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