im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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