Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
