I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Reggie can tackle my bush.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
