You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
