She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
