I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower