Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
