Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I could fuck to npr.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim