last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.