Plan B is the new Plan A
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??