she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...