btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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