Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.