when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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