our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
