He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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