If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
