The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
