I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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