I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
