I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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