This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
