i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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