He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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