You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
