I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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