If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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