Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
