Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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