Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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