After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
