yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
