Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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