Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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