Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
