Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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