I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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