sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
