She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
