I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
