im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
