U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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