At least make sure they are 18
Why
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
