I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
